I’ve met so many mothers over the past few months – who give and give and give and give and… give. Until their hearts are hurting because they’re so spent and their minds are racing because they’re just trying to keep up. In this group of women I’ve found my purpose – my desire to help others simplify and achieve balance. Does that mean I’m perfect at it? No. In fact, today I hit a wall. A big teary eyed, messy, I-give-up wall. I’m nervous to write all this because I’ve felt that need for perfection on my blog again. I was talking with some amazing girls at the Stationery Academy and they kept saying “Why have you stopped blogging so much?” I laughed because I miss it. Writing is my release. And I haven’t done it in a real way in a long time. I almost feel like the blog is so pretty that I have to write something profound every time. Well, I’m giving that up.
I’m exhausted. Tired. Spent. Last week was pure amazingness. Making Brands Happen is amazing and we are launching a LOT of new brands in the coming weeks before Lara takes her maternity leave. They are powerful. I’m not just saying that because I’m part of MBH, but because our clients have done hard work and rebuilt businesses to make these brands happen. They are good. And our travel with Making Things Happen was so much fun. It was impactful and I met so many amazing friends and heard so many good, transformational stories. Holy cow some big things are happening there. I got to spend time with two of my best friends. And I’ve been able to travel home to Pensacola a lot in the past month – that has been good for my soul.
But suddenly today I felt this physical feeling of DRAIN. My dad always says I burn the candle at both ends. I think the past month I have burned it through the middle, at both ends and all the way around. My candle felt very small today. Lara called me to give me some encouragement and I realized something.
As stressful as life can be sometimes… I have and will always make decisions with my family first. I was talking to Lara – who is expecting little Baby Grace in just twelve short weeks – and looking at Brady (six months old today) covered in bananas from his dinner and I thought… I’ve never chosen anything over you little man. I may run myself ragged some days and I may not be a perfect mama, but I’ve never chosen the OTHER. I’ve always chosen him. Even when it means the hard road or it means I have to work late at night to get things done. And I’m proud of that. I’m exhausted and tired and spent and all those other things I said, but I’m proud of my dedication and I’m proud for taking the hard road at times. I’m so inspired by the other mothers and soon to be mamas I’ve met over the past few months. You ladies are phenomenal.
Sending love and hug and slobbery Bman kisses to all the mamas reading this who are trying to do it all. Grace not perfection, friends
Photo by the amazing Gina Zeidler. Blog post on this session here.